Dreams can sometimes give us an indication as to what is going on and how we try to understand. There was a recurring dream that she had. Over and over, this dream did haunt her. She did not understand it, but was plagued with it with regularity.
Each night it comes, haunting, haunting, haunting . . .
There was a clinically white room that she was looking at. Various instruments were to her left. She noted a bag that was hung from a pole and tubing similar to the aquarium was attached at the bottom of the clear bag. She could see the fluid that was inside the bag. In fact, she could see through the substance as it was clear. Shortly below the bottom of the bag was a cylinder that the tube was plugged into. On the bottom end of this cylinder another plastic tube was inserted. Inside the cylinder bubble, she could see the drip, drip, drip, of the fluid from the bag. The tube continued down the line until she could see its final destination into her arm. There was tape covering the end of the tube but she knew it was an IV. She had many of these before.
She could see a window on her right but she could only see sky from where she was. Nothing more. The clouds were fluffy, like cotton. There were many of them. She noted a bunny floating past, no, a horse. It was hard to tell. She stared at the clouds and tried to make out the shapes.
Fluffy clouds, floating past, floating, floating, floating . . .
A man sat near the foot of the sterile white bed that she was lying on. He was a large man with gray facial hair. He wore a baseball cap on his head and it was turned awkwardly on his head as though he had been asleep. She looked at him and noted the swelling of the blue sweatshirt against his stomach. His right leg was crossed over his left leg and she could see that his right foot was bare. She looked at the left foot and he wore a sandal revealing his toes. A discarded sandal was on the floor nearby his foot. Apparently this is the sandal that belongs on the bare foot. How she hated when he wore sandals. His feet were so ugly to look at. The fungus of the big toes was so thick. She remembered having to cut those toenails and how difficult that was. The smell of them made her nauseous.
She called his name and he opened his eyes. They revealed the tiredness in them as he blinked back the sleep. He came to her bed as she began to beg for him to let her go. Please, let me go. I am in such immense pain and I cannot deal with this any more. Please, I am begging you. Let me go! Her voice was steady, but very weak. Her organs were shutting down one by one. There was so much pain in her core that she could no longer deny it. Her breathing was shallow but steady. Her lungs ached with each deep breath that she tried to take such a shallow breath as not to wince in pain. Her stomach could no longer accept food and do anything with it.
She was slipping away, a little each day, slipping, slipping, slipping