The blessings of co-dependency

I know it has been a long time since my last entry. My life has changed so much and it has changed me. I see things with a different perspective and I suppose when you start to look at your mortality, that is going to happen. I  have started looking at what I am leaving behind.

My first husband passed away and when cleaning up and going through his things, I started thinking the thought that is this all that life sums up to be. What is left behind?

I like my new position. It makes me feel like I am doing something that is worthwhile.

I thought I have broken the co-dependent cycle but I was talking to one of my coworkers about the recent empty nest I am experiencing. This co-worker and I have never talked about co-dependency and she knows very little about my life. I made the comment about how strange it was to not have my kids around. My house is so quiet now and there is not as much to do. I have always had a lot to do, sometimes overwhelming. It was then that she made that comment that I sounded like a co-dependent person, that I always needed something to take care of and nurture.

At that moment I realized that being a co-dependent was not something that you just 'get over'. I had thought that I had broken the cycle. And to some degree, maybe I have. I had left my first husband and moved in a different direction. But I started to wonder if I was really free of co-dependency. I may have left and moved on, but truly, my personality was still the same. I was still taking care of my son, actually doting on him the attention that I use to give all the kids. He wanted for nothing.

My personality is one of a nurturer. I will forever what to take care of someone or something. I think I need to embrace that idea and learn to use it for the better things. I don't think it is bad to be a co-dependent, just like ADHD is not a handicap.  I need to find the blessings of being co-dependent.