I called again to see if I can get the death certificate. There are so many people that want that death certificate. I talked with the coroner that did the autopsy. I asked him how long this man had been drinking. Just a guesstimate. He told me that from the looks of the abuse his body suffered, the man had to have been drinking for many years. Wow.
Addiction affects us all. Even though the kids and I were not drinking, his alcoholism affected all of us. We covered for him. We made excuses for him. We did not want to look bad, so we helped him look good. I had no intentions of ever coming out with the information that my husband was an alcoholic. But it seems that there are enough people that know so I guess it is no secrete anymore.
The man was definitely a narcissist. During our three decades together, he proved that over and over again. As I am going through my journal entries through the years, I read it again and again. It is no wonder when he started drinking, we just kept with the same routine. Only now, the situation was much more intense.
For me, I became so involved in the dance that I lost myself in him. I had no knowledge of who I was outside of my relationship with this man. For the kids, being raised by a narcissist is bad enough with the constant not knowing what to do next and walking on egg shells. The emotional neglect was there. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad. Sometimes he was an amazing man who was funny, interesting and very loving. No wonder the woman that came into our life and pulled this man away was attracted to him. I remember him showing me her text messages about how much she loved him. Really at first this infuriated me. He may have been a jerk, but he was my jerk, and I did not want to share the man. I know she told me that she didn't want to take him from me, just share the man, but I was going to have no part of it.
Addiction does not only affect the person that is experiencing the addiction. It affects everyone. Just like the drunk driver who hits an innocent person, it will affect others.