I was recently talking to a friend who divorced her husband. She and her ex-husband are very good friends which was a foreign concept to me. I had always thought that when I was married to my husband, he was better to other people than he was to his family, so it would be much better to be his friend rather than be his wife. So little did I know. I learned that as difficult as it was being his wife, it was much more difficult trying to leave him.
I didn't realize that he didn't love me until I was talking to this friend. She told me that she felt that her husband didn't feel about her the way she felt about him. He was her everything, her mate for life. Obviously to her, she was not that to him. How did she know that? How could I have known that he didn't love me?
You can see that he doesn't love you if he treats you much worse than he treats others that he is just an acquaintance. An example of this would be when my son came to me and said that his dad would not talk like that if someone else was here. How could my ten year old son see that before I did?
Another way to know that he doesn't love you is when they are not there for you when you need them the most. An example of this would be when our youngest son was hospitalized. The day of surgery, he went to work. I was a breast feeding mother and needed help holding this child since he had to fast from midnight the night before. He cried because he was hungry and my milk would fall. I needed my son's father to help. Where was he? He was at work.
What about when your birthday comes and your spouse goes shopping all day long to buy himself clothes, gadgets and then at the end of the day get you a stationary set with day planner stating that now you can get more done during the day with the planner. What person spends the birthday of their professed love of their life buying for their own pleasure and waits till the end of the day to find a gift on sale and then present them the gift in the store and say, "See honey, I was thinking of your birthday all day long. This is what I am going to get you."
I guess I should have thought something was wrong before we walked down the aisle to matrimony, but then again, I was just a dumb teenager thinking that love cures everything. Just before that fateful day was April Fool's day. The night before we were in a disagreement. It was my mother's birthday and we had spent some time with my mom and brother. He was obviously not wanting to be there and a big fight evolved from a simple misunderstood statement. We were up very late and I had finally gone home to bed. He calls before six the next morning and tells me that he wants to call off the wedding. This was hard for me to understand as I was still half asleep and not comprehending exactly what he was saying. By the time I caught on, he had told me that it was an April Fool's day joke.
If you and your person that you are married to or considering marrying have a complete difference of values, think twice before jumping into that relationship. Try to be on the same plane of understanding.