I have asked myself this question time and time again. How did I become a codependent? I believe that the biggest contributor to me becoming a codependent was denial. I never admitted that anything was wrong. I denied my feelings that there was anything that was not right. I denied that reality was just that, reality, and I kept telling myself that things were not wrong and I was just perceiving them as wrong. I know that this sounds crazy.
I never had the opportunity to develop my self esteem. I was always looking for everyone's approval. I continued to give and give and give, thinking that eventually I would be given approval of what a great job I had done. A codependent is use to having to work for their attention.
A narcissist is just the opposite. They create a false image of theirselves, just like the codependent does, but this person desperately need the attention and affection of others. They need that supply to maintain their self esteem. When they have received their supply of attention, they become the monster.
The narcissist creates anxiety. Their moods can swing one way or another in just a moments notice. They can go into a rage without warning and take it out on those around them that love them most. People around the narcissist are use to walking on egg shells. Because the codependent has made it a habit to deny their feelings and suppress them, they do not run from the urge they have to run.
This was just one step in being a codependent. There were many more steps involved as well.