Polyamorous

Ok, I have heard the term before but I had never really thought about it. I was from a very fundamentalist church that preached monogamous relationships. I knew people of the sixties were into those types of relationships, but I didn't know of any popularity in the present day.

I looked it up to find the definition and found that it means someone who is in a physical and intimate relationship with more than one person. During this time that my spouse was trying to talk me into this, he stated that people sleep with people outside of their marriage all the time and we call it cheating. Being polyamorous just means that you are not considered cheaters anymore, but you are being in committed relationships. He told me that he loved me and that he wanted to share that love with others. He went on to let me know that this new friend of his has so enlightened him to this way of life and he was so excited to find someone just like him.

I talked to my doctor when I went in for a check up. I had become very angry, which was not my normal mental state. I tended to be a quiet person that was more laid back and rolled with the punches. I thought maybe I was going through menopause or at least starting to experience it. He asked me a question. "Did he deserve it?" which threw me off. "Did he deserve it. I am not here to discuss my husband. I am here to fix me." was my reply. I knew I can't fix others; but if I need fixing, I can fix me.

He continued to prod with other questions until I started to burst out with tears, "See I told you that I have become very emotional. Now I am crying in front of you." I told this man that had been my doctor for 30 years about what was going on at home. I had never told anyone. That was the rule. What happens inside, stays inside.

He told me that there was a very small percentage of the population that is reported to live this lifestyle now and that I did not have to accept it. He suggested that unless I was a willing partner, then it was time for me to leave.

I found a counsellor during this time who was actually polyamorous. I didn't seek to find a counsellor who practiced this lifestyle, it just happened to work out this way. I think that I was referred to her because of my situation and that I was trying to figure things out. I still had not left the man that was insisting on this lifestyle.

The counsellor told me that she believed that this had to be something that everyone wanted to be able to be a successful relationship. She felt that if I could not accept this, then I should not be forced into it. She went on to say that people that are truly in this type of relationship would probably say the same thing. Polyamorous should not be forced on anyone.

I began to question myself. I am married to a man that would let me sleep with anyone that I wanted to without fear of being left or called a cheater, then why was I so unhappy?

I knew that I wanted a committed relationship and I thought that I had this commitment because we had five kids together. I wanted to love one man and to be loved by one man. A certain woman in this polyamorous life told me that she got into it because her wife was cheating on her and she wanted to stay committed to the marriage and knew that her wife would not stop cheating. She said she had to make a choice, stay with her wife and love her through all of her faults. She told me that she had to realize that she would never meet all the needs of her wife and she had to deal with that. I have now come to the point that I feel sorry for this woman that was pressured into this lifestyle. She has no respect for herself to demand what she really wants.