As we were getting our children ready to go to a conference, I struggled with getting all of them bathed and dressed. My husband was sitting in the car waiting for us to 'get our act together' and his frustration was obvious. We finally made our way to the car. I noted that my beautiful hair that I had worked on earlier was now a disheveled mess. I struggled to put it back together as we made it to a parking lot. My husband disappeared. I looked around and I was struggling to get all of our things together. Gracefully (not), I kept dropping things as they slipped from my hands. My arms became more full as the moments passed. I looked towards the direction that we had to walk to get inside the conference. It was a very long walk and really it looked vaguely familiar but mostly different like I had not been there before. There were drivers of trams offering to drive the participants to this particular conference and since I was a bit unsure of where I was going exactly, I caught a ride. I knew that once I got there, all things would be clear and I would know where I am at and how to get back to the car. I was still struggling with all the things I was carrying. As the tram continued on the journey from the parking lot to the conference door, more people boarded and still nothing looked familiar. I overheard some people talking about the price of the entrance to the event and was wondering if I had enough money. I ran into someone who gave me an envelope for some work or participation that I was involved in. I didn't open the envelope because I was still having a hard time holding onto everything. As we got closer and I was looking for my envelope to see if I had enough to pay for the trip, I found that I had lost it. I dropped everything and started to pick it up and found some tickets that would pay for the entrance. It seemed that those tickets belonged to someone else but I still hung onto them as I had no other way to get in. I saw my husband in the distance. He was socializing with friends and had a big smile on his face. I was frustrated with trying to get there and dropping things as I went. I looked down at my feet and noticed that now I had lost my beautiful shoes. Where did they go? I just had them on.
This was my dream last night. It was such a typical chaotic event that was something that we all experienced all too often. It seemed that I was always struggling to keep things together, make appearances that all was wonderful, and living up to the expectations that I tended to fall short of on every occasion. In a way it feels that not much has changed. I am still trying to make sense of all the things that are falling apart around me. I am taking care of the mundane tasks of tying up all the lose ends that my husband has left behind. The nice things out of all this is that this will hopefully be the last time that I have to clean up after him.